Any Given Sunday

Sunday mornings can be so tough for a Christian. it’s the one day you just want to be at rest and just take it easy. However it seems that the evil one is working over time by vigorously trying to tempt us and attack us all the more on Sunday mornings. Am I alone in this thinking? Last Sunday I was getting ready for our church service listening to a Christian radio station just enjoying the sermon that was playing. The sermon was on the subject of trials. So I thought wow this is great, because my heart was a bit troubled by a few things that had happened during the week and my spirit was looking for some encouragement and guidance regarding trials. All was going well until the preacher started talking about the trial of have an unexpected pregnancy. Mmmmmm………unless you are a dirty, starving, dirt poor women who has 12 kids and a husband who beats you, what right do you have to call an unplanned pregnancy a trial? Most of this preachers audience lives in nice big homes and drive nice big SUVs and have plenty of food in the fridge. Words can not express the outrage and the sinful anger this sparked in me, I fell into temptation and allowed my self to be mad! And sad. Instead of earnestly praying for all the men and women who seriously think this is an actual trial, I threw off self restraint and went off in my silly vain imaginations of what I would tell that preacher if I ever saw him. My Sunday morning was a loss at that point. Ugggg! Oh how I need God‘s grace to be slow to anger like He is.

I love the Lord God and I hope in Him alone. Its God’s will for my life to be given the blessing of this trial, I don’t mean to sound trite in saying that. Its true! It has wrought so many changes in my soul and brought me so much spiritual growth in the Lord. This trial has forced me to look at my identity as a woman in a different light. He has made me to find my happiness and joy in Him alone and not solely in His blessings. He has grown my understanding of marriage and family. In a sense Has destroyed my own foundation built of sand and He has picked up the pieces of my life and put them on the firm foundation of Christ, which is able to with stand the evil storms of this life. God is amazing! I don’t know if I’m alone in this but I have gained a more eternal perspective of things. He has made me to realize that this life has nothing for me I’m only a sojourner here on earth and a servant of the King of kings and my home is with Him in heaven.

Thank you Jesus!

Extra Income for Adoption?

God is amazing! When I started to realize that perhaps we would need to look in to adoption to build our family I was quickly over whelmed by the financial responsibility. It can cost as much as $30,000 and we don't have any thing close to that sitting in our bank account. And the fertility treatment option was around 3-5grand per treatment, no guaranties. So I just cried out to God in my confusion and desperation, how can this be Lord?

The Lord led me to a part time job that was close to home and pays very nicely.Even though its a tough job I've been truly amazed at how God has given me the strength and endurance to persevere. I pray that I will be faithful to proclaim the gospel with my co-workers. My husband also has the opportunity for some part time work (in addition to his f/t job) at the police department where I'm at.

In today's down trodden economy I think this is pretty amazing! God has provided the means to save for adoption! Praise God! We are by no means wealthy but if we are diligent to save we should have enough to cover the costs and to fix up our home. Thank you Jesus.

Just a side note that I find humorous. Every one is sort of freaking out about the economy. They are fretting about what to do with "their" money. I just think to my self mmmmmmmmm my husband and I are investing in babes. I don't think they sell that stock on wall street.

Tagged!

I've been tagged by The Red Stain. I'm supposed to list 25 random facts about myself and tag 3 others. I've read that its courteous to link back to the one who tagged you.

1. I was a wretched sinner and a very broken woman who has been forgiven, raised to life, and saved by Jesus 3 years ago this month while sitting on my couch and reading the book of Leviticus. Thank you Lord Jesus!

2. Jesus says he who hates his brother is a murder, but I did try to drown my sister when I was a kid in the swimming pool while in Florida because I hated her, crazy! Poor Girl I love her now and she has forgiven me, I think.

3. I love to travel and really enjoy other cultures, my favorite place to visit was Hawaii, Aloha!

4. My favorite accent is an Indian accent.

5. I used to drink a lot of beer. Thank you Jesus!

6. I met my husband while working at O'Hare for United Airlines in 1998.

7. I really enjoy horse back riding,hunter/jumpers.

8. When I was younger, like 12 I wanted about 12 kids.

9. I love reading my bible daily and praying daily, it makes me happy :)

10. One of the first things I thought about regarding my husband was, Oooh we would make lots of red head babies.

11. We eloped in Las Vegas at the little church of the west on 8-3-03. I was wearing black burks because my "cute" shoes hurt my feet. We were total pagans!

12. My husband was saved by Jesus shortly after I was, such a blessing!

13. I love to tell people about the Lord and His amazing gospel! Jesus has been so faithful to help grow me in this over the past 3 years.

14. I love my husband! I love learning about marriage and what God's purpose is for marriage.

15. Most of my family isn't saved. Please pray for them.

16. I went to massage school and worked for a chiropractor for a few years, the human body is an amazing creation.

17. By God's grace I don't believe in Evolution, apes to men. Please visit Answers in Genesis.

18. I love cool rainy days.

19. I long to live in the wide open spaces in the country, with horses and cattle and chickens and what ever! I find my self trying to talk my beloved husband into being a farmer or a cattle rancher,never gonna happen! When we moved to sycamore IL away from the suburbs I thought I was one step closer to achieving this desire. God has other plans for us, I must die to self and not forget that this life is not whats ultimately important. Some day all of this will be a faded memory.

20. My favorite name for God is Jehovah Sabaoth. Lord of host, He commands an army of myriads upon myriads of angels.

21. I love music, especial classical and Christian. Country music makes the list to. Mindy Smith is one I really like. I discover her playing on the airline head set while flying to Reno to attend my Grandmothers memorial service. I was so sad and her songs ministered to me before I was even a believer.

22. I can't sing to save my life, my hope is that in heaven I will sing like an angel to worship my God!

23. I wish I was closer to my Mom.

24. I'm a loner by nature and not very open, Jesus and His grace is teaching me to be more open with His people and that by His kindness they are my new family.

25. My womb is in the mighty trust worthy hands of God.

I've tagged Infertility and my Faith

Holden Family Experience

and Lost and Found (Hubby's blog)

A New Morning!

I just want to praise the Lord God Almighty for having such mercy on a sinner like me. I praise His name, He lifted my dark and sinful heart up out of the muck and mire of sin and sadness.

All last week my heart had not been content with circumstances that God has given me and it showed up in many ways. Inside my some what quiet demeanor I was screaming angry with my infertility and all the annoying circumstances that come along with it. Also my heart was bitter toward people that need my love and prayers and a kind word from me. The Holy Spirit of God had been beckoning me all week to come to Him and repent of all my known sin and be refreshed, but instead I closed my heart to Him and wallowed in self pity and bitterness. I was having a seriously hard time forgiving my co-worker who was driving recklessly and almost got us killed, and God's Spirit was guiding me to forgive but I didn't want to. I chose to remain angry and hateful towards him.

I've also have this fear that keeps creeping up in my thought life. I realized that my big fear is fast approaching. What is this fear? That my wonderful, sweet, and beautiful sister in law will get pregnant before me. This thought has struck terror into my heart for a couple years now, but until last week there was always time on my side. This is no longer the case. Because they are having their big official church wedding next month out of country and I know that soon after that the babies will be coming. I just want to love her and be there for her, but instead I'm caught up with thinking of how will this affect me. And your mind goes through all the possible scenarios that would cause grief in you infertile heart. I've been scared of what my reaction will be when I find out. I don't want to hurt her or be a wet blanked in any way for their happy event. Of course there's the belly you’ll have to see get bigger, all the chat about the baby and the excitement in her eyes, and the colors of the nursery, the list goes on and on. So it's a battle in my head because I love her and I wish it wasn’t so awkward for her or me. Infertility sucks is all I could think about this week.

Of course all of this is a gross simplification of what is actually going on in my heart and my brain, but I've just been scared. The word of God tells us to not fear and to trust in God, this should be so easy but sometimes because I'm a sinner it's not.

So I have all of this yuck on my heart when I walked into church on Sunday and then we all sang, "Come, Ye Sinners" and my heart just melted. While singing this song I knew that even though I am already saved by Jesus I found forgiveness afresh in Jesus. Right there as we sang, He was at work quieting my heart and healing all my wounds cleaning out all the poison. I must run to Him, is what I kept thinking. only Jesus can make me well no one else is able. I left worship so healed and full of joy. All the bitterness was gone with love in it's place, all the fear in my heart stamped out and replaced with trust in my God, all my sins were cast out as far as the east is from the west. Thank you Jesus for your mercy! And thank you all for your persistent prayers.

I now take courage that even though this trial of infertility can seem so cruel and punishing that on the other side of this stands the Risen Christ saying, “Well done my good and faithful slave……enter in to the joy of the Lord.”

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore:
Jesus ready stand to save you,
Full of pity, love and power:
He is able,
He is willing: doubt no more

Now, ye needy, come and welcome:
God's free bounty glorify:
True belief and true repentance--
Every grace that brings you nigh--
Without money,
Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Nor for fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him;
This He gives you--
'T is the Spirit's rising beam.

Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Bruised and ruined by the Fall;
If you tarry till you're better,
You will never come at all:
Not the righteous--
Sinners, Jesus came to call.

View Him prostrate in the garden,
On the ground your Maker lies!
On the bloody tree behold Him,
Hear Him cry before He dies,
"It is finished!"
Sinner, will not this suffice?

Lo, the incarnate God, ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood:
Venture on Him, venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude:
None but Jesus
Can do helpless sinners good.

The Song I have on My Heart This Morning

"The Power of the Cross"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music

Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.

CHORUS:
This, the pow'r of the cross:
Christ became sin for us;
Took the blame, bore the wrath—
We stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Ev'ry bitter thought,
Ev'ry evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.

Now the daylight flees;
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
"Finished!" the vict'ry cry.

Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death;
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.

FINAL CHORUS:
This, the pow'r of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.