I found out yesterday from my doctor the results of the ultrasound done on Monday. Unfortunately it was what I had expected. Our little miracle baby had no heart beat and only measured 7.5 weeks. Even though I knew that I had lost the baby because I lost most of my pregnancy symptoms. Even though I have had a week to prepare for this it's still not easy news to deal with.
When I first found out that I was pregnant I was totally shocked. Infertile me peed on a pregnancy test and it said + ?????? Really????????? What a surprise what a miracle! But I remained cautiously optimistic because I don't think you can go through almost 4 years of infertility and just expect things to work out. Plus I just had this "feeling." I would wrestle with God saying, "I just want this baby but I know that this baby is yours Lord. I want whats best for the baby even if it means what I don't want to have happen."
When I would pray I would thank the Good Lord for each day with this baby. Not to be too graphic but every time I wouldn't see red on the tissue paper I would say, "Thank you Jesus." But then one day I did see red and I was scared. I knew my time with the baby was coming to an end.
Thank you all for your love, prayers, and emails. The Lord has brought me to this difficult passage by His grace I am able to cross it. "Hither by His help I'm come."
I just want you all to know that I'm OK. God's grace is more solid and real than the ground I walk on. Also I believe firmly in the doctrine of God's sovereignty. I know that He has ordained this pregnancy since before the foundation of the world and Yes, a loving God ordained to have the pregnancy end at a time He decided not me. He knows whats best bottom line. I find that so comforting I wish more people did.
Lastly I would like to end on a hopeful note. From what I understand in scripture I know that I will meet my child in heaven when I arrive. That's not just some sentimental thought it's a fact. It's the grace of God. I wonder who he will look like? It will be a happy surprise and a joyful reunion.
****Just a side note my DH and I think the baby was a boy? Also I will be scheduling a D&C soon so prayers for that would be nice. Thank you.
Six Plus Two
10 years ago
Alicia...I am so sorry. I am so inspired by your faith. God has obviously prepared you to walk this road and I am confident that you will see His goodness on it. Hold fast to Him! Praying for you as you grieve the loss of your precious little one. God will be near to you. Praying...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. It's such a difficult thing to understand and all I could do was keep telling myself the same stuff you are preaching to yourself. Certainly doesn't make what you are going through easy though. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Alicia, I know this is a hard time for you. I know the Lord is pleased with your faith. Your faith is more amazaing and pure than anyone I know. If I could just strive more to be like you. You are an amazing person and I am glad that you lean on the Lord through these difficult times, without him we could not make it through. Email me anytime you like, I am here for you.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you. Hugs, your faith is uplifting. May God comfort and heal you and continue to open your womb!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Alicia. Even though it may have been expected, the final confirmation is just so hard. Take all the time you need to grieve - I remember feeling pressured to conform to others' expectations of when I should be done grieving. You have been on my mind a lot lately. I have been lifting you and your husband up in prayer. May God continue to give you both peace, strength, and comfort. As others have said your faith is inspiring. You shine Jesus - when others look at you they can't help but to see our Lord and Savior.
ReplyDeleteIf I can answer any questions, please don't hesitate to email me.
Oh sweetie, I'm soooo very sorry. You guys are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteYou have been on my heart, Alicia. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I've been praying for you and I will continue to remember you through your D&C. It's hard to find the right words to say, but I want you to know that you aren't alone. I know that you are trusting the Lord, and so many of us know right where you are in this pain. Sending hugs and prayers and love.
ReplyDeleteI am SO sorry. My heart goes out to you and your DH. Be extra gentle with yourself. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right, we WILL see our precious wee ones again and we will know them in the fullness of the Lord.
Hugs and prayers.
i wish i had wonderful words to say but i don't. i'm so sorry this happened to you. it's hard to watch someone else go through it now that i know the pain that comes with it. praying for you.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to hello and that you are in my prayers. Continuing to pray sweet one!
ReplyDeleteAlicia-go here and read, I figured it out just tonight.
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