Ultrasound Up Date

I found out yesterday from my doctor the results of the ultrasound done on Monday. Unfortunately it was what I had expected. Our little miracle baby had no heart beat and only measured 7.5 weeks. Even though I knew that I had lost the baby because I lost most of my pregnancy symptoms. Even though I have had a week to prepare for this it's still not easy news to deal with.

When I first found out that I was pregnant I was totally shocked. Infertile me peed on a pregnancy test and it said + ?????? Really????????? What a surprise what a miracle! But I remained cautiously optimistic because I don't think you can go through almost 4 years of infertility and just expect things to work out. Plus I just had this "feeling." I would wrestle with God saying, "I just want this baby but I know that this baby is yours Lord. I want whats best for the baby even if it means what I don't want to have happen."

When I would pray I would thank the Good Lord for each day with this baby. Not to be too graphic but every time I wouldn't see red on the tissue paper I would say, "Thank you Jesus." But then one day I did see red and I was scared. I knew my time with the baby was coming to an end.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and emails. The Lord has brought me to this difficult passage by His grace I am able to cross it. "Hither by His help I'm come."

I just want you all to know that I'm OK. God's grace is more solid and real than the ground I walk on. Also I believe firmly in the doctrine of God's sovereignty. I know that He has ordained this pregnancy since before the foundation of the world and Yes, a loving God ordained to have the pregnancy end at a time He decided not me. He knows whats best bottom line. I find that so comforting I wish more people did.

Lastly I would like to end on a hopeful note. From what I understand in scripture I know that I will meet my child in heaven when I arrive. That's not just some sentimental thought it's a fact. It's the grace of God. I wonder who he will look like? It will be a happy surprise and a joyful reunion.

****Just a side note my DH and I think the baby was a boy? Also I will be scheduling a D&C soon so prayers for that would be nice. Thank you.