Still a Twosome

I was talking to one of the very lovely young ladies who is expecting and she would have been only a couple weeks ahead of me. She's so sweet and I was just asking her how she's doing, since we have a physical job. Any way, we were just chatting and she said, "I can't believe it's so close only 3 months away!" I just smiled and said, "I know time just flys on by."

I know at some point I will have to get over the would've, could have, and should have been. I'm not there yet.

I could just imagine my nightmare being only 3 months away from ending and getting to meet my baby.

We had been trying for what seemed like ages to conceive. Trying not to get too down trying not to get too excited wanting so badly just to have a baby. I finally had gotten to a place in my heart were I was happy to just have my husband for the rest of my life. I had come to excepted that we may be a twosome till the end.

I had gotten excited about a new diet and exercise thing to shed some extra weight. I though that maybe I should try and find a full time job since children were out of the picture for now maybe we could save for adoption faster. And then I finally got a pink plus sign on a pregnancy test just a couple days after my birthday. And then just like that every thing changed again no heart beat the baby's gone.

I just feel so alone in this sometimes. My husband is busy working and it doesn't effect him like it does me. He's a man he can do so many other things. Women are made to be wives and mothers. That's simply all that I want to be. I don't have aspirations to be any thing great or amazing. I just want to be what I was made to be. It's strange that things are so wrong yet so right.........right where God wants them.

Lord keep my spirit stayed and sure hoping in Christ alone and resting in your love.