I was talking to one of the very lovely young ladies who is expecting and she would have been only a couple weeks ahead of me. She's so sweet and I was just asking her how she's doing, since we have a physical job. Any way, we were just chatting and she said, "I can't believe it's so close only 3 months away!" I just smiled and said, "I know time just flys on by."
I know at some point I will have to get over the would've, could have, and should have been. I'm not there yet.
I could just imagine my nightmare being only 3 months away from ending and getting to meet my baby.
We had been trying for what seemed like ages to conceive. Trying not to get too down trying not to get too excited wanting so badly just to have a baby. I finally had gotten to a place in my heart were I was happy to just have my husband for the rest of my life. I had come to excepted that we may be a twosome till the end.
I had gotten excited about a new diet and exercise thing to shed some extra weight. I though that maybe I should try and find a full time job since children were out of the picture for now maybe we could save for adoption faster. And then I finally got a pink plus sign on a pregnancy test just a couple days after my birthday. And then just like that every thing changed again no heart beat the baby's gone.
I just feel so alone in this sometimes. My husband is busy working and it doesn't effect him like it does me. He's a man he can do so many other things. Women are made to be wives and mothers. That's simply all that I want to be. I don't have aspirations to be any thing great or amazing. I just want to be what I was made to be. It's strange that things are so wrong yet so right.........right where God wants them.
Lord keep my spirit stayed and sure hoping in Christ alone and resting in your love.
Six Plus Two
10 years ago
As I read this..I thought about Hannah and how she prayed for Samuel. How she longed to hold a baby in her arms...boy did GOD answer her prayers...In HIS time!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, hugs, and prayers,
andrea
I know that it is hard to be around pregnant people and especially what you went through. Your faith in the Lord inspires me. Through heartache you still give God all the glory. You are an amazing person and I am blessed to have a friend like you in my life. I am always here for you.
ReplyDeleteAlicia, I'm keeping you at the top of my prayer list. I know this is a very long and difficult path, especially when you've experienced loss. I pray that the Lord will comfort you and give you the desire of your heart. Sending love & prayers your way.
ReplyDeletePraying for you sweet friend. God will sustain you and keep you from falling. Hold fast to Him!
ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. The journey is so long and can get so lonely. We're all here for you. (((HUGS))) Praying for you
ReplyDeleteHey alicia I wanted to tell you to go to my blog and read the post that is titled my friend alicia.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Alicia. The last few months up until my unfulfilled due date were some of the most difficult for me as well. I often felt so alone in my pain and like everyone else had forgotten. I will say that once the day came and went I did get some closure. To lose a baby after 4 years of infertility was the most devastating experience of my life. It takes time to get over such a profound loss. Allow yourself all the time you need. Alone time with our Lord was the only thing that got me through along with the prayers and support of others especially this community of bloggers. Know that you have my prayers and support.
ReplyDeleteAlso I wanted to let you know I left you a really late comment on your "It's a battle" post the other day.
(((((((Alicia)))))))) I am lifting you up to our Father. May He heal and comfort you my sweet dear friend. I love you.
ReplyDelete