On the Surface

This infertility thing is so hard! The past couple of days my emotions have been right under the surface and all it takes is one little word heard on the radio, or one article read in the paper that reminds me my "dreaded" circumstance, and I'll just start weeping. I'm also trying so hard to focus on Christ and remind my self of His love for me, but in those moment were I am just over come Christ is there for me and He reminds me of His love. Today I wasn't even sure if I could make it into work but by Gods grace He held me together by His strong right hand and lifted me up out of the dust. My period has a 99.999999% chance of starting in a couple days so the hormones from all that probably aren't helping any. Also if I wanted to have a full term baby by my 31st birthday that is know officially impossible, it's just hard to come to terms with this stuff some days. I trust God, infertility is still not easy.

I have so much hope in the Lord and in His promises and inheritance. I know that He can grant me power to conceive or guide us in adoption. Which in regards to adoption, it can be annoying when people say "you should just adopt." With love and Patience I must say that adoption isn't necessarily and easy road. It can be another trial all unto itself. It can take years and many disappointments before a child is brought into your home. Or in some cases it's quick and easy and a pain free experience, what ever God has for me I will gladly take because its for my own good and His glory. I'm fairly certain that adoption will be something that God will have us do. I'm embarrassed to say this but some times I'm OK with it and then other days the thought of adoption as the only way to build our family makes me want to faint. I literally want to pass out when I start to think of my husband being in the delivery room where another woman is having our baby. Lord I'm his wife, I want to have the baby. I could not have seen that 3 yrs ago when we started TTC that I would not have any children yet. This is hard.

Any way gotta go my hubby just got home. He's worked so much and I have worked pms so I haven't seen him at all week. I'm very excited for our weekend together. Pray for us Saturday we are going to the Woodfield shopping mall to evangelize the crowds!

I'm praying for you all, I know many of you are going through very difficult times too.

"for in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe every tear from their eyes." Rev 7:17