Well I've made it through a day that I've been anticipating for some time. And of course it comes during a very tender time of the year smack dab in between our 6th wedding anniversary and my 31st birthday with out any children. I never could never have imagined that I would enter my 30's with out a baby in my arms but here I am and its all for my good and His glory. Also at church there are many freshly born babies and expecting women every where, and that is very good, but very hard for people like me. Praise the Lord that He is at my side and that I'm on His side.
The past weekend I found out that my amazingly sweet sister in law is expecting! Which is an answer to prayer. I love her and I'm so excited for them. I'm sure that she has been waiting her whole life for this! This will be an amazing time for them as a couple as they wait for their little blessing to arrive. But unfortunately for people like me this is a two sided coin. My initial reaction was pure joy and excitement but then the coin fell on the other side and things started to really sink in.
I don't know about you but I mourn infertility like as if some one I love very much has died. I sob and cry like I've just lost some one I love and I have done this for the better part of our six years of marriage. I believe that infertility is a death. And that fits in to my Christian walk just beautifully because as a believer before life and joy in the truest sense can be received there always has to be a death. Especially death to your self. I don't always enjoy the process but it's good and has to happen.
"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."
Matthew 10:39
"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." John 12:24
So, it turns out that this coming year I will have lots of practice of dying to my self and taking things that I've held and depended on and letting them go to God and surrendering my ENTIRE being to God. Every last bit of me goes to Him. He is my hope and my light!
I want to be His servant. Come what may.
Six Plus Two
10 years ago
Praying with you during this difficult time! Praising GOD for your SIL's wonderful news.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and prayers, andrea
That is so hard...so many emotions. God will give you grace and courage to walk through this. I will pray for extra strength during this pregnancy that you have to celebrate yet mourn all at the same time. Stand firm sister, God is near. I love ya!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. All so very true. I am continuing to pray for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an amazing woman! Your SIL is fortunate to have you in her family. Praying for you during this time -- I know it can be bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteI agree - infertility is like a death and I too mourn it often. It is the death of our plans and dreams. But I have to remind myself often that the death of my plan is a good thing because God's plan is truly better than anything I could come up with. His ways and timing are perfect. However, knowing this doesn't always make it any easier as we wait for His plan to be revealed while watching others receive what we have been longing for. I pray God's strength and grace for you as you celebrate with your SIL.
ReplyDeleteI know that is a hard thing to face, but at the same time a blessing. When I had to face this i thought I would never make it through it but right when i felt like giving up he sent strength and peace right on time. Email me anytime you want to talk . I miss you to.
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