Well this morning we awoke to the gut wrenching reality of an Obama presidency, and the world rejoices....yeah. I'm very thankful that God is so completely sovereign over all the universe and mortal man. I can rejoice because God works His will even through wicked rulers and glory will be given to His Holy Name. My husband even prayed that Obama will be born again, wow there's an idea! I know God can do it. He saved me and raised me from death to life even though I was a wretch.
Switching subjects abruptly here. I really am feeling dejected today and some what wallowing in self pity that I am not a mother. I'm weary, recently a lot of people have been asking me if I have children.....no comes the answer. I then have to endure (with a smile on my face) their endless cocktail of advice. Most of which I have already done years ago, then they (understandably) get frustrated and tell me to adopt...........perfect strangers do this to me. How long O Lord? How long must this go on. Poor me right? I've probably blogged on this many many times already. I further torture my self with thoughts of what do my Christian friends think of this. None of them have struggled with infertility. I hope and pray that they will not ever have to! Do they think that I'm cursed or that I have some unrepented sin or I don't deserve children. I know that I shouldn't even wonder what others are thinking, its sinful. I continue to be perplexed by this gift/trial of infertility.
I just love babies and their fresh baby aroma. They are so irresistibly cute and yummy. I see them every where I go, its nice. I hope God will allow me to have children. God is good even if he never allows me the pleasure.
Six Plus Two
10 years ago
Alicia, I know I don't "know" you but you are so amazing and so strong, even when you don't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteFirst, what an awesome prayer for our new leader! I need to be praying that too.
Next, I'm so sorry for the endless barrage of questions and advice you're getting. I know how grueling that is. I don't know why folks are so inquisitive (beyond the point of simply caring) and why so many think they have the right answer for you. It is extremely frustrating!
I also struggle with this question of am I being punished/cursed? In fact, it crept up on me just today in a Bible study class. I believe that the answer is no, but the thought still comes around now and again.
Anyway, I just want encourage you to keep on going, even on those bad days where all you feel is hurt and sadness and longing. I know you trust in God no matter what happens, and I'm so encouraged by your faith!