I’m letting go of a dream, of a dream of a dream. What was that dream any way? Oh yeah to get married and have babies. Beautiful babies with the cute little noses and half me and half him. I often feel like I’m in a nightmare and I want to know where my babies are, for real! My whole life has literally been on pause waiting for my children to arrive. As much as I try to move on, I’m still stuck! This is wretched! I’m wretched but declared righteous and being remade by the Lord Jesus. Thank you Jesus for taking my punishment upon your cross. Thank you for covering my defenseless head.
~Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee.
I’m sorry my dear readers all 2 of you, if I seem too spiritual and not grounded at all in the real world. I’ve been told that I’m too spiritual, but there’s a reason for that. I lack close family ties and deep earthly traditions, I'm infertile and I know that the earth is passing away and all works that are not for Jesus sake will be burned like stubble. My roots are not planted in this earth but on heavenly terrain. I long for the day when I will be free from the trappings of this mortal body, free from my fleshly mind of sin, free to worship Jesus as He is worthy to receive all praises and all honor and all glory!
Infertility has made me long more and more for the comforts of our Lord in heavenly places. What a joy it will be to see Him face to face, indescribable joy! All my sorrows and pain will be drown out by His inconceivable measures of love just poured out upon my head. I doubt I’ll even remember my infertility struggles, it will perhaps be a dream of a dream of a dream.
Six Plus Two
10 years ago
Infertility does make you realize that our longings and wants are not the sum of who we are as believers. We are headed for much more than this experience. So no matter what it takes or gives to make us feel more human ultimately we are made for something else - someone else. Praise God! When it came down to it, I knew that my desires had to be laid down and I had to do what is says in Matt. 6:33. Still striving for His kingdom to be first in my life.
ReplyDelete"Still striving for His kingdom to be first in my life."
ReplyDeleteMe too :)
Thou shalt have no other God's before me. Exodus 20:3
Oh sweetheart. I love reading your focus. I'm inspired by the way you carry your pain, broken heart and given up dreams to the feet of our Father and allow Him to comfort you. I love how even as hard a cross as this is to carry, that satan gets no glory at all because you my friend continue to march forward, finishing the race just as Paul instructed. When I have hard days and struggles, I think of you and how grounded you are in the spiritual soil and I'm strengthened, I feel sometimes so thirsty, so thirsty that I could die from dehydration only to think of you and remember that I too can drink from living waters. I want to thank-you for sharing your everything with us. Thank-you for sharing your pain, for being so real, for allowing our Father to conform and transform you.
ReplyDeleteI've not given up hope, I continue to pray for the Lord to open your womb, for His perfect will to be done, and for you my friend to have so many littles to care for that you can actually think of this time and laugh.
Much love.
~Jenileigh
Hi Alicia! I found your blog through Stacey's. I hope it's okay that I continue to follow your journey. I love to find Christian women struggling with infertility. I love your attitude about it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck sweetie! I'm praying for you!
Tammy
www.twondra.blogspot.com
Hey Alicia! I want to say "Thank you" for stopping by my blog the other day.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have been called "too spiritual". Perhaps it's meant as a complaint but I'll take it as a compliment. :)
I'm praying for you precious. God's plans are good for us. We never know what He is doing until well, He does it. We may get a peak every now and then but for the most part ... He likes to surprise and wow us. :) I know you have a WOW moment coming my dear :) Glory!
Hey Alicia,
ReplyDeleteJust got caught up on your last 3 posts, and as usual I loved reading every word that you had to share. I find your perspective and your sincere love for the Lord to be incredibly refreshing! I can't imagine how anyone could see that as a negative thing.
Thank you for using your blog not only to share your feelings about this struggle, but always as a beacon for Christ and how He is strengthening your walk.
Love & Hugs!
Thank you all for your encouraging comments, they mean more than you know!
ReplyDeleteAny of you are welcome at any time to stop by and check things out :)
Your blog is an encouragement to many, including myself. I love your honesty... thank you!!
ReplyDeleteYOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT FAITH IN THE LORD AND YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT PERSON. I PRAY THAT THE LORD COMFORT YOUR HEART IN ALL THAT YOU FACE IN THIS LIFE AND GIVE US THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH.
ReplyDelete